Lauren Christ
Stories from the Axe and Thistle is a bi-monthly serialization that details the exploits of a D&D 5e campaign as they troll their way through an open-world wilderness. Often outlandish and good for a laugh, these vignettes are told by the Dungeon Master of said campaign, because sometimes humor is the only way to cope with tragedy!
Click here to see the previous installment.
“But seriously,” Luddy says, “What were you doing out there?”
You grin at your friend, pleased she’s asked. You’d been much more interested in the concept of actual prehistoric creatures living native in Varna last time, but you are proud of the journey you took with your adventuring party. “I was on a diplomatic mission to the Centaur colony to the east,” you tell her.
Luddy’s smile broadens. “Oh, no kidding?”
“It was fascinating,” you say, “I’ve never even seen a centaur before. Their territory is beautiful.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty reclusive, and they have good reason to be.” Luddy’s smile fades. “When people first started going through the portal, centaurs were poached for their hides.”
“What?” you ask, aghast, “But they aren’t animals.”
Luddy shakes her head. “You’re right, but they were hunted almost to extinction. That colony you went to had about thirty members before our treaty was signed.”
“That’s disgusting!”
Luddy casts her eyes to the side before meeting your gaze, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Lucky for us, the mayor wasn’t really around to object to the initial signing of the treaty. He’s a trophy hunter, and I know he has at least one centaur pelt still stashed somewhere at his cabin. But everyone honors it now, and it’s thanks to a party like yours that it happened at all. They were more inclined to broker peace than most would’ve been in their position.
The centaurs had taken one of our townspeople prisoner, a historian and lorekeeper named Stefan. You might know him as pretty much the only guy in town who doesn’t know how to hold a sword. He was studying them when they captured him. They were afraid he would sell them out to the poachers, so they locked him up on their compound. They didn’t want to kill him. Centaurs are herbivorous, as you probably know. They’re peaceful people, for the most part.
The party headed over with the intent to steal him back, but when they actually got to talking with the centaurs, they realized they have a serious opportunity to do some good and change things for the colony. They made initial friendships on only charms and a handful of Goodberries, but things got harder once they actually managed to get into the compound. Stefan was well-guarded and the plan to break him out was quickly morphing into something different once they learned what had been happening to the colony.”
Luddy pauses in her story. “Did you meet Jenna?”
“Tallgrass?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Jenna was the only centaur who would trust the party. Everyone else wanted to throw them right out and be done with it, but Jenna let them share her campfire and told them how to influence the others. She knew General Tully better than anyone, and Tully in turn had the necessary clout to get in the patriarch’s ear. You met Buck Maplehoof?”
You shake your head. “I met Tully, though.”
“I’m not surprised. Tully’s a nice guy, but Buck’s a real character. Even with the treaty, he still can’t quite get over what the newcomers did to his people.
Initially, Tully wasn’t so willing to give humanity the benefit of the doubt, either, not without some convincing. So Jenna clued the team into Tully’s competitive streak. The guy can’t resist a challenge, and it just so happened there was a Goliath on the peacemaking party who had a really interesting idea of what constitutes a fun game. He called it Trollgrippen, and the rules were simple. Both competitors chug an entire wineskin, then they grip each other by the biceps – that’s the grippen part of Trollgrippen. The troll part is, well, ideally you’d play this game with a troll because the goal is to smash your head against the troll’s until one of you is unconscious.”
“I’m sorry,” you interrupt, “What?”
“I know. Goliaths, man.” Luddy chuckles. “Tully was really into the idea. He’s kind of a jock. I see why Jenna likes him so much. The Goliath won the game almost immediately, though, and Tully was so impressed with his opponent that he was able to convince Maplehoof to let Stefan go – albeit not without a very physical warning of why he shouldn’t betray the colony.”
“And the treaty has been in place ever since?” you ask.
“Yeah, pretty much. Mission teams go out every now and then to make sure the centaurs are happy. They don’t come to us because of the bubble. They hate the whole concept behind the bubble. It goes against their religion.”
You nod. “Centaurs worship Pan, god of nature. It makes sense that they wouldn’t be crazy about a magical force field that actively repels nature.”
“Too true.”
You touch your glass to hers. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just nice to think that there’s more to adventuring than slaying monsters and looting dungeons.”
Luddy nods her agreement. “If you open yourself up to it, there’s a whole world of other possibilities out there. We may be living in an uncharted, dangerous wilderness,” she pauses to smirk, “But we don’t have to be uncivilized about it.”
To be continued…
Stay tuned as we upload a new chapter of the campaign every other week right here on DorkDaily.com!
