Andrew Robinson
Ah, Super Bowl Sunday. A time when Americans come together, find the one poor sap that must host the party, and gather around the television, watching the most important football game of the year. My Eagles are in it this year, looking for that elusive first Super Bowl win, so I will be even more invested that I normally am (which is already at a high level of investment).
My family is that poor family that must host the party, and I will be home from college for the Big Game. Some of the people that we invite to our annual party are highly interested in the game itself, while others come for the food, company, and commercials. I’ve never been one of those people, so this question has arisen in my mind: how do “nerds,” or people who don’t care for the game itself, survive an entire game of football? I’ve come up with a few ideas.
Make bets
This may be the easiest way to feel invested in the game. Whether it’s $5 or $500 on the line, everyone wants to win money. Personally, our parties always consist of a pool, as well as a prediction sheet. The pool is basically a big grid where every possible number combination is present, although the numbers are not known until after everyone places their bets. Everyone that wants to put in $5 to participate then chooses a specific number of boxes to mark with their initials and, after everyone has chosen their desired boxes, the numbers are pulled out of a hat and placed on the board. Then, after the numbers have been placed at the top of columns and rows, the final digit of the score after the first, second, third, and final quarters are marked (ex. If the score was 10-6 Eagles at the end of the first quarter, the person with the box marked ‘0’ for Philadelphia and ‘6’ for New England would win a predetermined amount of money). I recommend this method of betting if you wish to take part, as it is almost purely based on luck, rather than football knowledge.
This leads me into my next method of betting: prediction sheets. While this is mostly a crapshoot as well, it does help to have some football knowledge. Again, speaking from personal experience, our prediction sheets consist of questions such as: “Who will have the most penalty yards?,” “Which team will score first?,” and, of course, “Who will win?.” We have around 25 questions on our sheets, and everyone who wishes to participate must fill one out before the national anthem takes place (one of the questions focuses an over/under for the length of the national anthem). As you can tell, it does help to have football knowledge for this, but it is by no means a necessity (case in point: my mother has won like twice, somehow). You may want to come up with cooler, more non-sports related questions such as, “How many times will the owners of the teams (Robert Kraft for the Patriots and Jeffrey Lurie for the Eagles) be shown clapping?” A prediction sheet could end up making the game itself more fun for people not into football.
Betting through Vegas is also a possibility, but this does tend to be lean towards people with more football knowledge, and the likelihood of losing money is pretty high. I would stay away from Vegas betting if I were a non-football fan.
Drinking games
Make up scenarios, and then take a drink every time the scenario occurs. Some scenarios to include: “Take a shot every time Carson Wentz is shown,” “Take a drink every time Super Bowl XXXIX, the previous Super Bowl featuring the Eagles and Patriots, is mentioned,” “Take a drink whenever Nick Foles’ magical 27 TD/2 INT 2013 season is referenced,” “Take a shot whenever Tom Brady’s age is brought up,” and “Take a shot whenever Tom Brady complains to the officials that he got hit late.” For kid-friendly options are brought up, change the drinking game to an “eating” game, where the participants must eat a predetermined amount of food in place of taking shots, or just take “shots” or orange juice, soda, etc. Be careful, though: stay hydrated and don’t drive home!
Watch the commercials
Most people who don’t like football still watch much of the game for the commercials. While I personally believe the quality of commercials has taken a dip in recent years, there are always still standouts. Also, a quick calculation of how long the commercial is can tell you how much money the company paid for the slot (last year’s average cost for a 30-second Super Bowl commercial was $5 million, according to the New York Times). Then, even if the commercial is of low quality, you can still enjoy yourself by ridiculing the company (in your head, or to your watch-mates) for wasting an obscene amount of money on a terrible commercial!
Watch the faces of your football-loving watch-mates
Initial reactions are priceless, and heartbreaking at the same time. I mean, just watch this clip of Saints fans reacting to the insane last-second loss to the Vikings in the Divisional Round. (WARNING: NSFW language)
For those of you that don’t care for football, these reactions – while heartbreaking to most football fans – could be hilarious. And, for those of you who will be around Philadelphia fans, think of it this way: no matter if the Eagles win or lose, there are going to be some pretty crazy reactions.
What NOT to do
I ask, from the bottom of my heart, please (please) don’t loudly talk about non-football or non-commercial related things during the game, in the same room as the TV. We all have that one friend/family member that brings up their toenail operation during the game and, let me tell ya, nothing kills the mood more than that. Football fans everywhere thank you for your discretion.
Be with family and friends
Finally, being at a Super Bowl party with some of your best friends, or family members is something to be cherished. Surrounded with loved ones, even the nerds will survive the Super Bowl!
